long story short

cousins

Every once in a while, I get a photo that I love. This is one of those. Brinley with three of her cousins. I asked for a quick picture and they started goofing around and laughing so hard...it was a fun moment. I smile every time I look at this.

These kids are all at the same college right now. They watch out for each other, support each other, tease each other. This picture says it all: these cousins like each other.

I always hoped my kids would have cousin-friends. You know, people they like to hang out with because they enjoy them, not just because they're related. So, this picture makes me happy.

I hope they realize how lucky they are to have each other. I wonder if they know how many Sister-Mothers they have. My sisters and I love each other's children so much. We call each other and share our kids' happenings, heartbreaks, funny moments, challenges and triumphs. We stress when one struggles, we celebrate when another succeeds... we love and mother them all. I've always hoped that the sister-love would spill over into our children.

Looking at this picture makes me think that maybe it has.

 

2002-revisited

This picture was taken eight years ago in California. That's Mac on the right, his buddies (twins) on the left, and his cousin in the middle.

I don't remember why my sister was in town, but I do remember that day. My sister, best friend and I took are kids to the park. We laughed when we realized we'd all dressed our baby boys in practically the same outfit.

I never really thought we'd ever all be in the same place at the same time again, but...

fast forward eight years, and...

There they are. Same boys. Still adorable. With eight years of mischief and memories under their belts.

If I'd been thinking about it, I would have had them sit in the same order, dressed alike. But, guess what? Eight years makes a big difference in boys' willingness to pose for a photo.

And dress alike. Ever.

sisters

 

Did I mention my sisters all came into town? Well, they did. That's us (minus two) in that picture. In a perfect world, we'd be together all the time. Throughout my days, I daydream and scheme about ways to get them all to move here. (Their husbands are proving to be difficult).

I do have brothers too. See?

(Thanks to them, I got two more sisters.)

When we all get together, all sorts of fun ensues...

Our children meld into one big pot of cuteness. Smothered, er, make that mothered by all of their aunties. I can squeeze my sister's kids and breathe in their babies' baby-smell (i miss it!) all day long.

Heaven.

When they all leave, I have a couple of days of empty. I wonder if they do too?

I often lament that my own daughter has no sisters. I hope she finds lots of "just-like-sisters" in her life. I know I have.

Lucky me.

I lost one of my "cancer sisters" a few days ago. She wasn't my "real" sister, but she was a good friend to me when I really needed it. She started her cancer fight before I did and was a great example to me -- of strength and courage and faith. She always told me that everything would be okay. And, for me, it was.

Now she's gone... and I've had a few days of empty.

But, like any good sister, she left me with lots of laughs and memories. She helped me to be strong and to keep things in perspective. She was always grateful for the good in her life.

She was my friend.

Lucky me.

be free

Doesn't this look fun? Today the family came over for a barbecue and the cousins went from one adventure to another. They explored. They played in a teeny stream. They lost my broom (my broom!) in a tunnel in the stream (long story). They played ball and tag and a made-up game that mixed the two. And they ran and ran and ran... not a care in the world.

Free.

'Hope you have a fabulous Fourth of July weekend too.

a new star

Hutton had his "Star-Raising" at the Make a Wish house Friday night. His wish coordinators threw a little party for him. The tables were decorated in his new favorite color: orange (which I like better than his last favorite: black). 

We took a tour of the Wish House -- for those who hadn't been there before. Hutton used his key to unlock the wish room and showed his cousins where the magic happens.

We all wrote messages for Hutton in the Make a Wish scrapbook.

Then, Hutton was given a special wish coin to throw into the wish pond (you can see it in the first photo). He whispered, "This might take a long time... I don't know what to wish for". After a quick hug and a consult with big brother, he closed his eyes and...

Hutton was then presented with his own star. Orange. He was told to decorate it any way he wanted. So, guess what? His name is Hutton. He is six, likes BYU and lacrosse. And, oh yeah... [University of] Utah stinks. So there you go.

Hutton raised his star up to the sky to join the stars of other wish kids. He raised it slowly and carefully. The song When You Wish Upon A Star was playing. I would insert the video here, but, as I've already established... I don't know how. Besides, your eyes might water a little if you saw it. Mine did.

Hutton's star will stay up there forever. With all those other stars that were raised by other children who all faced hard things, who all sent up wishes. I like to think that all of those stars keep each other company and whisper the wishes of all those kids into the air.

Hutton's having his final surgery tomorrow. They're removing his port. That port has served us well. Blood was pulled out through the port and it always told us how Hutton was doing. The wonderful, horrible drugs were sent in through the port.

Hutton doesn't remember not having anything there in his chest. He used to think he was born with it. He once said he wanted to keep the port forever.

But tonight, when I asked him if he had any questions or worries about tomorrow, he said, "Nope. I'm only worried about getting hungry!" (He needs to fast before the surgery).

That's it. He's ready, I think. Ready to move on and leave that port behind.

I'm ready too. I really am. Tomorrow's going to be a breeze. I hope.

I wish I had one of those wishing coins. I'd wish for smooth sailing...an easy procedure tomorrow...courage for Hutton and me...and a future where I leave my worries behind with that port.

because my sister asked...

... here are more photos of Hutton's End of Chemo party.

                                                     

Sister, I hope these pictures give you a good feel for the day. I know that you, like me, like to see the party details. It was all great... except that you were missing.

Oh, and Sister? You were right: I should have assigned someone to take photos. Being hostess, emotional mom and photographer was a bit much. Hence, I didn't get as many party-detail photos as I should have. (You would have loved the little brownie sundaes topped with hot fudge and mini gummy bears. Mmm!)

Sister3 and beloved SIL have more photos. I haven't seen them, but shan says hers are mostly of a weepy me -- and who wants to see that?

Um, no one. That's who.

after

Today was officially the first day of "after". It's funny...it felt like a regular day... but not. I feel a little lighter somehow.

K was grinning when he walked in last night after giving the last dose of chemo. It was quite a moment... and not. It seemed like there should have been a drumroll or something.

We're so used to our "normal" of the last few years that we're not sure what to expect of normal "normal".  But, we're excited to find out what that's like.

Hutton did a full-body wiggle when I told him that his last dose of nighttime meds was last night. I felt like doing a happy dance. Instead, I gave him his antibiotics (he'll continue those for a few months) and we went on with our day. A day like any other day... but not.

In our family, milestones (and most everything else) call for a party. So... we partied last night. Hutton was involved with much of the planning and prepping. He wanted "all the colors". So, all the colors it was. He made all the crusts for our mini key lime pies. He suggested Ruffles potato chips just like Grandpa's. And brownies and ice cream -- two kinds of ice cream. We partied with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends.

We all sent our happy wishes for Hutton up to the skies in a balloon launch; we ate lots; we talked and laughed and hugged. I wish everyone we love could have been there. Since they couldn't...

              

    

Yesterday was a happy day. I felt like a million emotions were all clogged up in my throat. Happy, grateful, overwhelmed, content, nervous, scared.... A hug from my dad helped me feel more centered and I took a moment to look at all the people at that party that love Hutton. It's kind of awesome.

And, I paused to think about all the people who love Hutton that weren't there. I wish the rest of my sisters (with their clans) had been there; and all the doctors and nurses that have helped us on our way; and Kandace, who had my older kids over weekly for special meals -- kids only; and "Miss Kelly", my friend who came over once a week to play with Hutton while I ran errands... she spent hours playing games and squeezing into Hutton's tiny tent; and Julie... and Kaele... and Amy... and the Balls (how did they get my kids everywhere they needed to go?). There were so many people that called and emailed, encouraged and cheered us on. It would be too hard to name all those that have carved a place forever in my heart. There are so many that held us up, that prayed for us, that hoped with us. I love you all.

So, even though "after" will, in many ways, be much like "before" and "before before", it will always be different. I'll be different. I'll always be grateful to be here, to have Hutton and my other kids.

Today was just like any other day... but not.

donuts and soda

Let me start by saying that I'm anti-donuts, anti-soda. It's very rare that these nutritional zeros cross the lips of my beloveds.

So, what possessed me to buy both the forbidden bevs AND the evil sweets?

I'm still not sure.

It started with a phone call from my sister. She wanted to come to town and throw a party. At my house. With the whole family -- those that live in town, that is.

She started throwing around words like make-your-own pizzas, homemade dough, games.... And, I guess I just got caught up in the moment! I remembered the longing in Walker's eyes the other day when he'd passed those chocolate donuts in the store. I remembered how Mac said that the only good thing about having the stomach flu was that he got to drink delicious soda. I found myself loading my cart with donuts and soda... throwing caution to the wind.

Life gets serious sometimes, you know?

Sometimes, you just need to have a party. You need to sit around, play some music, eat good food and laugh.

Sometimes, you gotta let loose -- and have some donuts and soda.

computer programmer shoes

When I was a kid, my dad wore brown suede shoes. He was a computer programmer at the time. I don't know what the official name of these shoes is (wallabees maybe?), but in my family, they've always been called Computer Programmer Shoes. Back in the day, I thought these shoes were terribly uncool -- I mean, my old DAD (who, now that I think about it, was probably younger than I am now... depressing) wore them.

Times change, I guess... because when I saw these shoes (computer programmer shoes! in miniature!), I had to buy them.

Hutton looks so cute in them and they remind me of my dad -- who somehow, over the years, seems to have gotten a lot cooler.

playground party

For the first time in a long time, all of my sisters are in town at the same time -- SIX of us all in the same place at once!! (They're here without husbands, so K is layin' low).

In a show of team spirit, our soul sister (aka sister-in-law) gave birth this weekend while everyone is here. (She's the best! She'll do whatever it takes to have a party).

So, with one sister in the hospital (new baby) and another sister home in bed with the flu (we adopted their kids for the day); one birthday girl; a new big brother and sister; a super grandpa; miscellaneous cousins; a delicious lunch -- AND four of six sisters (whew!) we headed to the park. Here's what a park day with this crowd looks like:

I watched Sister1 rocking Sister5's baby; new big-sister, K, holding Grandpa's hand and dragging him all over the playground; kids begging for food from Grandpa's cooler (which, apparently, held better food than what their mom--okay, me-- had packed). I planted a kiss on my nephew's nose when he got bonked -- which normally he would never allow, except that his own mom was in the hospital and I was the only grown-up available -- and, what do you know, the kiss actually made it all-better. We teased our dad and laughed our heads off at our own hilarious inside jokes. Then, we packed up and made plans for naps and trips to the hospital to see our newest family member. All in all, it was kind of dreamy.

On the way home, Walker said "That was funner than I even thought it would be".

And it was.